I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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