Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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