And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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