How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
