I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
