My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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