Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
