im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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