Will you blow on my dice?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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