She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
