In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
