two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
