I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My pussy is not your playground.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
