You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
