Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
