What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
