Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
