So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
