I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize