Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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