I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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