First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
