She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
