also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
