That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
