we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
