your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
