my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
