She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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