capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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