i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
