Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
