I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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