You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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