It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
