how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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