So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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