I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
