we're chasing vodka with high fives
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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