and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
