Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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