mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
