Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
