I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
