Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Barsexuality is the new black.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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