im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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