my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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