hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
