I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
