Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My cat gives me a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
