yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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