no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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