Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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