It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
