Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
