Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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