k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
