I'm gonna have a badass scar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
