just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
