dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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