i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
