stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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