i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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