playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
