I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
