Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
