someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
