no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize