we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
40s are totally the cure
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
