life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
