like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
