He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
