Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This baby is an asshole
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
