Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
