Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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