I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
