I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
pray to the hookup gods
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
