There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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