So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We got so high we made milksteak
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
